Get all 15 (EM) releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of seedsong [demo], getting there, newbooksamepage + olwil, me and my arrow [Harry Nilsson], turbine regalia, mortality disco, dumbo, thrEE, and 7 more.
1. |
||||
i ready my closing remarks
after twenty-four years of dark
east to west sweeps the dawn
i say to you, "well, so long"
the trees are still, the wind is gone
mine are the only eyes to see the sun
the dawn sweeps from east to west
a bed of blue calling for rest
i've been cut, i've bled before
i lost my mind and i've lost more
there is no key to release me
so just quit teasing me
damnation's destination
i bought a one-way ticket at the station
i've always been in limbo
they've just finally cracked the window
the performance of a lifetime
i hope i get some good reviews
i worked so long to lose it all
i tried too hard, forgot to love myself
just wait for your cue
then jump into view
quick peek behind the curtain
to make damn sure i am certain
cuz i can't take another joke
this ends the book i wrote
|
||||
2. |
massive gamble
05:14
|
|||
guessing all the time
where to go
put out the fire
uproot my home
missing all the while
friends, even foes
every failed try
reaches a new low
suddenly something strives
to reach my attention
a brand new addition
to my dimension
i don't know what you are
but i know i don't want to hurt you
are you a ghost
or an earthly invention
presenting itself
as dancing light
over my head
keeps my path bright
i'm no longer alone
and this may sound trite
but sometimes living
isn't even a fight
i don't care if it's real or not
something's on my side
it could be a part of my mind
just my imagination
it's voice does no harm
it draws me towards what's right
i'll listen while i'm lucky enough
to have it help my plight
i clearly see now
what i need
and what to change
before i leave
i've always cared
just not enough about myself
i wasn't even really there
just passing with the air
i know i can do better
|
||||
3. |
stranded/foreign lens
07:16
|
|||
harmless creature with
a fatal feature
removed from nature
never to return
pain inflicted
left unassisted
made brittle
by the sun
stranded
rebirth and revise
time to attempt again
released from need
living on dreams
let them wash like
waves into the days
the ship has landed...
ready for redemption
unafraid of the end
sent back to
set things straight
i suppose it's
never too late
some have said i'm
not meant to survive
i'm here to disprove
all the lies
i grow to get cut again
i look through a foreign lens
i see a line straight to death
i see the other as i hold my breath
i have a choice to
face myself, no avoiding
that's the one i'm making
that's the way i'm taking
i've lied and hurt my friends
it became quite the trend
i'm sorry for what i've done
after all the hospital beds
my mind and body failed and spent
walking the halls of every ward
wondering whether to cut the cord
i feel the full weight of my actions
and realize the importance of love
i can't return to what once was
what i have is just enough
so just try to take me
out of this world
you won't get me gone
i'll go on my own terms
change takes a lifetime
these days i never rest
|
||||
4. |
||||
so there we were
where the road quits
tires spinning
water rushing in
i heard voices
above all the mess
through the windshield
i saw nothingness
i never imagined
wishing so madly
for my feet
to feel concrete
we went crashing in
pushing life's limits
we came thrashing out
after putting a knife in it
what luck we keep
to still be standing here
though i know hearses hide
engines running, exhaust spitting
i always demanded
a front row seat
waiting for
fate to play out
young and unfocused
i could have been
snuffed out on
so many bright days
i haven't seen
you in years
but we shared
that moment in time
only we know
what went through our minds
what words escaped our mouths
when the car hit the water
|
||||
5. |
||||
i don't win
i cut short of darkness
and fall between
beams of grey
supporting what
unfortunately remains
cowardly, i know
my ability to construct
a home amidst the failings
and falling outs
i've never been
quoted as happy here
spend a little time sober
sipping well wishes
from the wishing well
the bore brings
back former problems
like they're your reward
so i lose again
lucky that short-term
prizes sink to bottom
you'll never catch me
gearing up for another fight
with consolation in my sight
tie me to the ship
while my vision's impaired
and my mind is
barely a blinking light
i'm still here so far
nothing ever changes, right?
|
||||
6. |
repeat or change
03:28
|
|||
i'm hooked again
who would've guessed
overindulging
could end in a mess
i don't change
play the same old game
making timeless mistakes
my brain chemistry
warped like a record
set in the sun all day
a year ago i learned
how to help myself, but
it was a lie, i was
high the whole time
any progress you saw
from the outside
was just a trick
i treated us to
this won't end well
i've seen the map
i've read the story
i've lived it in dreams
each year is a template
life never strays
from the plotline
here we go again
preventative measures
can't measure up to
another autumn's fall
can i exercise
free will
before the author
gets me killed
will i lift my
pen off the paper
and finally
begin to taper
this year i thought maybe
things would be different
i had some higher
hopes for myself
i've always been the
king of wishful thinking
this is the day i actually
take action towards my health
|
||||
7. |
look back
04:22
|
|||
i used to touch each
tree as i walked by
i used to kick fallen
leaves and follow
give me days of rain
i would walk for miles
i didn't need to teach
my mouth to smile
there was always another
trail to pace
paths with histories
to retrace
amongst flowers i
forget my diseases but
i spy petals falling
to rest on the river
eyes elsewhere for a moment
look back, all that's disappeared
the tide has a way
of creating mysteries
hands reach out, remembering
never quite tickle the truth
a wall separates worlds
we take advantage of
even these words
i struggle to say
no clue if my memory
is still accurate
not to mention
the purity of
poison i require
to retread it all
some recent dawn i
found myself walking
not sure why, i guess
i needed to get gone
just as the sky
began to turn blue
i thought i saw in
it, shades of you
|
||||
8. |
another winter (semisun)
06:06
|
|||
the snow has returned
painting streets and trees
the air has a bite
the cold bares its teeth
the wind's picking up
still it won't take me away
the sky stays grey
for days upon days
i'm surrounded by a strange warmth
as i replay my memories
it must be shame
because it's not relief
the birds still sing
they forgot to fly south
the water still flows
through each river's mouth
i hear joni's voice
i understand her pain
tears form in my eyes
last year's felt the same
i remember well, how i felt
empty, torn open, and broken
nothing has changed
there's no tricks up my sleeve
autumn gives way
to the darkest season
i am still here
i'm not sure the reason
it's been a year
of sadness and struggle
sometimes i wonder
why i go through the trouble
i have tried so hard to get help
but my brain just won't accept it
these coldest months
are a test of my strength
what is normal?
i would like to know
this "wellness" i've heard of
must be a joke
when something gets good
i have a talent
of tearing it all down
like i can't stand it
maybe next year
i'll grow into this life
i'll know the way
i'll get rid of the knife
night beckons me
with whispers of release
i've heard it all
i'm not going to sleep
i know spring will set me free
i hope this time it will keep and
i'll stay steady
ready for anything
|
||||
9. |
delusional
08:09
|
|||
not an every day drug
or an all day drug
i am fucking my serotonin
what's the difference between
self-esteem and dopamine
self at ease
not exactly
bound harshly
to human forms
tied up on the ground
is exactly how i look in my head
oh no, here i go
time is getting stronger
voices say what they say
time is getting longer
i'm on the brink
of some really unfortunate shit
it hurts a bit
come here and sit
amongst head lies
and brain fries
i've been alone and regressing
drunk-and-damn-awful depressing
delusional
i'm stuck between nothing and nothing
(oh no...)
|
(EM) Stevens Point, Wisconsin
Eddie Mead
the NITE DINO
sees you soon...
thrombosis jones lives alone
Streaming and Download help
(EM) recommends:
If you like (EM), you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp